Conditioned

(Cute little Mongolian kids who spent the day with me being happy and taking photos)

Are we conditioned from a young age to be unhappy?

Do we choose to be sad, depressed, and more miserable than we should because we've been brought up to realize that we get something from it? From a young age, a child can sense that when she is unhappy, everybody is sympathetic towards her, and she gains sympathy. Everybody tries to be loving towards her, and she gains love. And when she is unhappy, everybody is attentive towards her and she gains attention. And attention works like food for the ego.

If everybody is looking at you, then do you become important?

When a child is well and perfect and happy, are people less attentive towards this child? It seems to me, as I've been observing behaviors lately that this is entirely true, and thus people become conditioned to choose to be a bit more sad, sick, miserable, and have more problems...because when you have problems, then people pay attention to you.

On the other hand, whenever you are happy and joyful, when you feel estatic and blissful...does it seem like you are met with jealousy? Do people look down upon you or do you feel negativity coming from those who aren't happy?

If you are miserable, no one will really think you are mad. If you are dancing and ecstatic and happy and singing...EVERYONE will think you are mad.

I think that Society has a hard time accepting ecstasy. Ecstasy is the greatest revolution you can be apart of. If people become ecstatic, the whole society will have to change because our society tends to be based more on misery. If people are blissful you cannot lead them to war. Someone who is blissful will just laugh and say: This is nonsense! If people are blissful, you cannot make them obsessed with money. This too, becomes nonsense!

Misery seems to be downhill; ecstasy seems to be uphill. It looks more difficult to reach. But it is not so. It's quite the opposite. Ecstasy is downhill, misery is uphill. Misery is a hard thing to achieve, yet most people have done it. It's antinature. No one WANTS to be miserable, yet everyone has been at some point or other.

So, feel your anger. Then move on. Feel your sorrow. Then move on. Be alert. Be aware. And start choosing to be happy and blissful. Because if you keep choosing misery in your life, then somehow or other, you feel that it is serving you in some way.


**(these are notes to myself...and what I've spent a good portion of my day thinking about)

All We Can Do Is Keep Breathing....

It's been a week. I have thought of things I could blog about daily...Sarah Palin, my undying love for Jon Stewart, Modernization and where it is getting us, suffering throughout the world, the happiness of the weddings I photographed this weekend, Ingrid Michaelson's new singles, flying standby, and yes, those longed for empanadas....but I'm not going to tackle anything trivial or controversial today, instead, I want to talk about you.

That's right, the beauty of you.

This week I've realized something that I have always known....a lot of us are in need of healing, a lot of us are really hard on ourselves, a lot of us demand perfection, a lot of us aren't so kind to ourselves, a lot of us have a hard time living in the present moment, a lot of us get weighed down by the cruelties around us, and a lot of us are lacking the love we need...even if just a little bit.

My google reader was at 219 when I got back from Buenos Aires, today it's down to 16. I've been reading about your lives a lot. I've been seeing your paintings about flygirl, your experiences in the dirt, your causes for preserving the land, your fights to see yourself as beautiful, your acknowledgment of your own selfishness, your need to be your own woman, your hurt, your anger, your surprise, your broken hearts, your religious struggles, your desire for love,  the love you have for your kids, the feeling that you might just not be enough of what you need to be and all I can say is wow.

Wow.

The depth and breath of the human soul has been like a cloud swallowing me up and carrying me off this week. There are no words to describe the beauty of you, your soul, your hopes, your dreams, your desires, your intentions, and your struggles.

You are so beautiful to me. Each and everyone of you.

The possibilities of you are endless to me.

This summer Gustav presented me with an idea I haven't been able to shake, and I feel it a good thing to bring it up again. What if this earth is heaven? In thinking this, I have had to use my imagination and I see that I have the ability to see the world with different eyes. In my heaven I see love coming from the trees, love coming from the sky, love coming out of the light. I see love coming from everything around me. Even when we humans get sad or angry, behind these feelings I can see that they are also sending love.

With my new eyes, I've also started to see myself living a new life, a new dream--here is what it consists of:

~A life where I don't need to justify my existence and I am free to be who I really am.

~A life where I have permission to be happy and to really enjoy each moment, free of conflict with myself and others.

~ A life without fear of expressing my dreams.

~A life where I know what I want, what I don't want, and when I want it. I am free to change my life to the way I really want it. I am not afraid to ask for what I need, to say yes or no to anything or anyone.

~ A life without the fear of being judged by others. I no longer rule my behavior according to what others may think about me. I am no longer responsible for anyone's opinion. I have no need to control anyone, and no one controls me either.

~ A life without judging others. A life where I can easily forgive others and let go of the judgments that I have.

~A life where I don't need to be right and I don't need to make anyone else wrong (this one is more of a goal right now,  obviously).

~ A life where I respect myself and everyone else, and they respect me in return.

~ A life where I can live without the fear of loving and not being loved. A life where I am no longer afraid to be rejected, and I don't have the need to be accepted. I can say, "I love you" with no shame or justification. I can walk in the world with my heart completely open and not be afraid to be hurt.

This life is my heaven.

How is your life your heaven right now?

Thank you to each of you for sharing bits and pieces of your journey to heaven. Of the lives you are creating, of the good energy you are putting out there, of your constant love and acceptance of me and those around you. You are making this world into something I am proud to be apart of.

Song of my week: Ingrid Michaelson's "Keep Breathing"---download it now!

Happiness Runs in a Circular Motion....

Hey!! I am out of the weird melancholia funk I was in yesterday! What made me feel better? First of all, this amazing group of virtual supporters whom I love and am SO grateful for! Seriously, this girl has a LOT of gratitude in her heart this summer at the thought of all of you! Also, it's easy to be happy in my home. This is what my home has looked like most of the summer. The flowers change, but we get new ones practically weekly as my sister works as a bar tender for a big wedding resort center in the mountains. After the parties she gets to bring home any and all flowers that she wants! She always takes as many as she can carry and I spend at least an hour arranging them and smelling them and loving them each Saturday morning.

This is an overhead view of my coffee table. Three full vases of flowers!! 

Other things that have made me really happy this summer are creative writing, falling asleep listening to Van's Moondance album, getting a whiff of a beautiful man's cologne, people being so loving and patient and forgiving with me, buying a new journal on a special day, having amazing dreams that wake you up in the night because they are so crystal clear and beautiful.

Another view of the table with vases that I have found at thrift stores, fashion boutiques and yes, one from IKEA !

I have also been happy taking in the moonlight at night, softly dancing and singing, hearing the cooing noises of a contented niece, playing Spiderman games with my nephews and American Girl Doll with my nieces, seeing two of my nieces learning to talk this summer and hearing them say my name for the first time (tears of joy to hear a baby say your name for the very first time!!), planning vacations for September, October, and November, dried blossom petals, blogging, 

My kitchen sink, doing the dishes is much more enjoyable with some good tunes and some orange tulips.

My only form of dish storage...have I mentioned that I have a thing for pure white dishes and colorful foods?

Gypsy souls, brand new days, mystic moments, poetry composed in cards, photo shoots, smiling faces, oatmeal cookies, whole milk, good books, painting, Harlem, playing love songs on the guitar with the intent to sing them for someone special one day, fresh brown eggs from my neighbor, thoughts of Paris and the French countryside, and a thousand other moments that have come to me in words, in music, in voices, in tapes, in books, in first meetings, in old friends, in new phone calls, in online chats late at night, and in YOU!

Yes, this is the chair where I read often in the afternoons. My entire house has stacks and stacks and stacks of books, everywhere you look! It's shameful, or as my sister told me last night, "D'Arce, you have a SICKNESS!"  If so, may I never recover, the world of books is what helps me fill my world more fully.

What has made your summer unforgettably happy?