Tuesday, November 11, 2008


During a choice episode of Sex and the City, Carrie admits that it is hard to live with Aidan because she can no longer indulge in all of her SSBs--that's right... her SINGLE SECRET BEHAVIOR. You know, those little things that you do alone that we would never do in front of anyone-- like Charlotte said that she liked to stare at her pores in a magnifying mirror for at least an hour every night, but now she couldn't because her husband would think that it was weird. (which he would). So, as I came home from work today and pulled the fresh, organic, addictive salsa out of the fridge (so long Rice Pudding, you have been replaced!!), then pulled out the chips and dipped them right into the carton, I thought, "What am I doing!!! No self-respecting girl eats the salsa right out of the container, and double dips!" (note to my visitors, you probably don't want to eat my salsa). I got to thinking about other things that would be odd if I lived with someone (which I do, but we have such opposite schedules that often times we see each other as she is getting home and I am going to bed, so for all intents and purposes, I basically live alone.) You know you do these things too.

1. I read at least five books at a time, leave them strewn about everywhere where I want to read them...politics by the overstuffed chair, health books by the couch, my French language book on my desk, the tender stories and poems on my nightstands. Then, as I read, I just like to hear some parts out loud, so I will read them outloud, to myself, often.

2. I use my hairbrush as a microphone....a lot, usually to ABBA or DUFFY songs.

3. I like to pump up the Opera while I am cooking food and sing in my operatic voice....you should hear my version of "O Mio Babino Carro."

4. I like to clean my keyboard with q-tips, it makes me happy.

5. I like to put on Bridget Jones' Diary and quote it word for word.

6. Sometimes I just get an urge to try my belly dancing techniques to "Living La Vida Loca."

7. Before I work out, when I am zipping up my hoodie, I often sing "Eye of the Tiger" and jump around and punch the air like Rocky.

8. I come home and sometimes I just put on a pretty pair of high heels for no reason.

9. I talk to my plants in French.

10. I tell myself I am not going to eat anything else after dinner, then around 9 pm I have five keebler club crackers with crunchy peanut butter and jam....and I eat them very surreptitiously.

11. I look through magazines and tear out any picture I even remotely like, even if April hasn't read the magazine yet, then I put it in a big folder of pictures that I like. I have no idea what to do with this folder.....ahem, I mean, folders.

12. When I make dinner alone, I often pretend that I am the host of a cooking show, and I make up funny phrases for different methods and ingredients...picture Bob Ross, and instead of painting, he cooks. I am like the female, chef version of Bob Ross. "We don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. " quote by Bob Ross.

13. When I do my pilates, I curse like a sailor, a big, burly, surly, drunk sailor....that stuff is *&#%$ hard!

14. Ever since a random layover in some crazy state (Wisconsin I think? or Minnesota?) I have a fondess for the Magic Bullet informercial and I watch it whenever I can, I especially love the part where Hazel comes out.

OK, dish! What do you do when no one is around?? I want to know your SSBs!


Steve and Jenn Fletcher said...

When Steve stays over all night at the hospital (as he is doing tonight), I like to put the kids to bed, take a shower and then get in my PJ's (at 8 PM), put on my "Grandma Ethel sweater-thingy" for added warmth (I get cold easily this time of year if I don't bundle up), let my hair dry naturally (or I should say, FRIZZ naturally) and watch chic flicks.

Or I stare off into space and day-dream. (Can't do THAT with a guy around...oh, except when he's watching football. You can get away with murder, then. He's totally oblivious.)

D'Arcy said...

oooh, what are you watching tonight? I wish we lived closer, that would be fun to hang out in our granny sweaters and bad hair and watch movies and eat gluten free treats.

I will also admit that I have watched "The Holiday" three times in the last two weeks.

Boquinha said...

Okay, so I just watched that whole infomercial waiting for Hazel to tell everyone she's gay.

Steve and Jenn Fletcher said...

I haven't seen The Holiday. My favorite chic flick that I saw most recently was Made of Honor with Patrick Dempsey. I thought it was hysterical.

Tonight? Sadly, I'll be channel surfing for a movie. Even sadder, I'll even stoop so low as to watch an episode of Hannah Montana if there is nothing else on.

Thursday night, I'll be alone. I think I am going to head over to the Redbox and check out Get Smart. Not a chic flick...but I've been wanting to see it.

Wish you were here, too.


(Off to find my remote!)

Got Bombshell? said...

I watch "When Harry Met Sally" repeatedly.
I organize things over and over.
I read blogs for-ev-er.

Oh, and about your #11: I keep a file box (my "fashion file") with folders of hair, make-up, clothes, home decor, accessories, etc, etc, etc... Then, I reference them for fresh ideas! Try it. It may also feed your lust for organizing things, umm... if you share that problem with me;)

HappyWifeHappyLife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
HappyWifeHappyLife said...

D'Arce - your list is hysterical! I loved it! (Esp #11)

OK, I'm about to admit to something that I can't QUITE believe I'm about to admit to. But here goes.... I have some VERY weird food habits (I attribute them to my mom.... she didn't let us have many sweets when I was a kid so I grew up CRAVING them and, when I wound up getting them, HOARDING them like a little mouse...)

Anyway, I usually sleep in the nude but will frequently wake up. And, sometimes, I will crave something sweet in the middle of the night. PK (pre-kids) I would walk down to the kitchn (completely NAKED) and eat ice cream directly out of the container. This was my guilty (secret) pleasure. However, one night my husband caught me, red-handed, doing this. He turned on the light in the kitchen and there I was (in full glory). As you can imagine, I was mortified did the natural thing. I dropped the spoon and FLED. He still tells the story that all he saw was a tiny lily-white derriere dash around the corner as the clanging spoon whirled around the sink basin... I can only imagine how funny (and slightly bizarre) it must have been from his perspective. But hey - we're still married - 17 years later. :-)

Anyway, I still will do the naked ice cream thing.... but the house has to be COMPLETELY EMPTY for me to indulge, naked, in sweet concoctions.

There you go. That is my Really Weird SSB. And I still can't believe I've put it "out there" for all the world to see. Good thing no one knows my REAL NAME (except YOU, D'Arce!) :-)

Boquinha said...

Bwahahahahahahah! I LOVE IT, HWHL!! I LOVE IT!! That's hysterical! BWAHAHAHAH!

D'Arcy said...

Boquinha!--Yes, Hazel "comes out" of the back room. You crack me up!!!

D'Arcy said...

Jenn...um, i need to send you a dvd friend, Hannah Montana is LOW!!

And Get Smart, let me know what you think...I wasn't that impressed. Get the Holiday! I mean it!!

D'Arcy said...

Got Bombshell--yep, I DO Share that organizational need (the q-tips on the computer should have clued you in, yes?) I organize my books, my food storage ( Ilove all the cans turned just so....I know, OCD at it's finest!!!)

Great ideas!

D'Arcy said...

HWHL--oh my gosh! I am DYING!!!!!!! You rock for admiting that!!! I haven't many naked stories, I like my clothes on. However, my roommate, who never reads my blog, so I can probably tell this, comes home late at night after an evening of partying. Think of the worst thing to cook at 2 am to waft through the house and wake up sleeping D'Arcy? Salmon tacos? You guessed it. I woke up the other night and came out into the kitchen and there she was, in all her naked glory, cooking tacos. I just looked at her, thought I was dreaming, realized I wasn't, and said, "Isn't the sparking oil in the frying pan burning your skin?" She freaked out that I saw her, but really, frying salmon while you are naked?? Not a good Idea, I am pretty sure she was a little tipsy.

Stina said...

What a FUN post! I looked forward to clicking on the comments link as well.

You will know you have found "the one" when you can indulge in double-dipping directly into the salsa together. And then look at each other incredulously when you realize you've finished the entire container in one sitting.

Have you tried using the compressed gas containers to clean out your keyboard? Delightful. I recommend it.

The first SSB that comes to mind is my eyebrow plucking. I actually came out about this in a blog post in the past. I am addicted to doing it and have to limit myself to how many hairs I pluck.

Sugar said...

I love that you speak to your plants in French. That is a great list. Makes me want to be your roommate... except for the ripping of unread magazines. haha

ophelia rising said...

The sad thing is, I do some of those things you've listed here even when I'm not alone! :0

I like to pretend I'm a famous movie star being interviewed on "The Actor's Studio," dance around singing and playing air guitar to Tom Petty or The Wallflowers, eat in front of the TV (I know that one doesn't sound very crazy, but we don't let our kids do it, so when they're not around it feels so...illegal), and try on all my clothes to see if I can create any new outfits.

I'm sure there are more, but I'll spare you. :)

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

It's been a long time since I've lived alone. I think I need to try some of the things on your list just to shake things up a little. But those rare occasions when everyone else is out? Usually quiet stuff like reading.

Olivia said...

lol, I guess I'm too comfortable around Faiyaz, not much he doesn't witness...

However, he's a dead man sleeping, nothing wakes him once he's out, and right now everything wakes me up. So for now my thing is ice cream in the middle of the night while watching anything that's on that Fai wouldn't watch, usually a dog training show, a chic flic, or something on the history channel. Yes, that's right, I'm a sucker for "It's Me or the Dog" and I try out all of Victoria's tricks on my psycho Langston, who is half Australian Cattle dog and half mutt. He can learn to go down a toddler's slide and can crawl on his belly, but cannot be housetrained. Go figure.

Alisa said...

I like to dance in a sucky way to the Moulin Rouge soundrack. It's more like jumping and awkward twirls than actual dancing. That's why Kevin's not allowed to watch.

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Frying salmon, while naked? Heck, even I won't do THAT!

It has to be something sensual and lovely (like ice cream) for me to get NEKKID with it! ;-)

D'Arcy said...

I agree! And you know, i bet Hubster LOVED that image of you...now I want some ice cream!!

smiles4u said...

What a great post. I have never been alone...as a adult that is, since I've had kids pretty much since I was a kid but there are things I would do after the kids went to bed though. I am pretty comfortable with my husband so a lot of things that I do when I am alone, I will do in front of him...he just smiles and shakes his head. We both love salsa too and we both double dip together.

One of the things that I do a lot is dance crazy...I tend to do this more when I am alone although have been known to do it in front of my little people which of course they love.

I have always secretly dreamed of what it would be like to live alone because I have never done it. Even when I was single, I still had my children. I've always wondered what it would be like to only have to worry about myself and only pick up after me. Now, I hope I don't ever really know the answer to that because now that I have this really great husband I don't want to ever have to live without him!

Marie said...

I love these, especially #12. Sounds like the sort of ee cummings-esque conversations I have with my cat when I'm home alone (somehow it's easier to turn your nouns into verbs and your verbs into adjectives when you're addressing a creature with zero grammar skills). I sometimes think how funny my future husband will find me, but really I think it's freedom from ridicule that makes me funny. I'm only funny in a vacuum.

If you tell a funny joke, and no one is there to laugh at it, is it funny?

I'm also a formidable ABBA diva. I get that from my mother :)

Beth said...

Ok, so I have never lived by myself yet, but when I'm alone at the house, (rare though it may be), I always sing.

I'm still not completely comfortable busting out full voice in front of my family, but when I have the house to myself I can really let loose.

I also like to try out hypothetical laughs. Like, "What if I laughed like this?" Then try out laughing different ways. I think this originated from Mary Poppins.

I like to try talking in different accents, and dancing around crazy while house cleaning.

Chelle said...

I don't have any, I am always perfectly appropriate for company.

Okay, that's a lie. I walk around in my underwear. I watch stupid stuff on TV. I curse a lot. Wait, why am I writing this stuff? I think that's enough for now. I do have to say I LOVE living by myself, cause I can do whatever I want.

mapelba said...

I'm married and do them anyway. Although maybe my bad habits help keep me loyal because I can't imagine any other man would put up with them.

Let's see...I have to fix my hair several times a day. I make art while watching WKRP reruns over and over. I eat several popsicles a day and leave the plastic wrappers on the bookshelves.

Just to name a few.