Thursday, January 1, 2009

My Story and Yours

New Years Eve has come and gone. I went to a swanky party and decided to wear this little number on my head. I got it at Urban Outfitters back in the Summer and I have NEVER worn it because I get self conscious to be that fashionable out in ole Salt Lake City. But I threw caution to the wind and decided to just wear it because I think it's pretty, even if everyone else would mock (which they didn't, and they all probably secretly wished they had one too!)


Life in this physical body is VERY short, even if we live to be 100. When I think about this, I have to conclude that I want to waste NO time creating conflict with people I love. I want to REALLY love people for who they are on a day to day basis. I want to enjoy them, and I have learned (in a VERY REAL way this year) that I do this by loving them for who they ARE....not what they BELIEVE. The stories that each of you create for your lives is not what is most important to me. YOU are important to me. 

Let me explain.

I don't care if my mother's story doesn't agree with mine (which it doesn't at all, we are VERY different, and she would like me to be her perfect little mormon girl again, in a big way). I love my mother, I enjoy her. I have learned not to impose my story upon her (ie, I think she needs to do this and that and be liberated in this way and explore these thoughts). I don't want to impose my story on anybody. I respect my mother. I respect her path. I listen to her story, and I don't make it wrong.

I have also learned (IN A VERY BIG WAY) that if other people try to write your story, it means they don't respect you. They don't respect you because they don't consider that you are in tune with yourself to know what your story should be, even if it goes against everything in their story. But listen up, I was born to write my own story, and so were you and you know what WE ARE BOTH RIGHT. 

I now respect myself so much that I am NOT going to allow anybody else (or my desire to please them or feel accepted by them) to write my story. My story is my responsibility. It's my creation. I am the artist. I respect my own art. I can compare my art with other people's art, but I make my own choices, and I take responsibility for my creation.

I'll be doing a series of posts in the coming days about Creating our stayed tuned.

Christmas Eve: April and I dressed up in legwarmers, fingerless gloves (I'm wearing those), popped open a can of tab, put blue eye shadow on our eyes and made one awesome music video (which I will NEVER post here and will NEVER show anyone!) But the memories that night created are priceless. We get most of our moves from the ending scene of Girls Just Want to Have Fun.
The above photo is why April is my best friend in the ENTIRE world. This girl plays along with whatever I create, and vice versa.

We bought these hats three years ago on a random late night shopping spree to Target. It was during our "Jackie Kennedy Phase" as we called it. However, even though these are hats not usually worn in public, we both vowed to wear them EVERY Christmas day, no matter where we are going, who we are seeing, or what we are doing. And we do so without apology or explanation, though she usually gets all the Jackie Kennedy references and people ask me what part of Russia I am from.
One more time in black and white, cause it's just classy....(and Shoog, this counts as my self portrait, yes?)


Claire, said...

Wonderful post. Adorable pictures, I love the one of April with the tab box.

I just checked out Stephanie's Bridals too, they are beautiful.

Michelle said...

You're beautiful D'Arcy. I LOVE the little thing on your head (is it a hat?)

Anyways, does writing your story including going to church on Sunday? I think I'll be there (New Year's Resolution)

Super Nova said...'s "Not Quite A Hat" that's what i call it. I'm not sure.

And my story does not include church right now. no religion of any kind. i just need a break from it all.

but my story ALWAYS has room for Mexican food, maybe that's where we should start?

Anonymous said...

What you say is true and lovely and fun. Something that struck a chord with me--about someone not respecting you if the write your story for you...

I worry about this. If you write your story other people are in it--obviously. I think about that when I write my blog posts and I hope that I am not imposing my story on them. I try not to give them motives or thoughts I can't truly know. Perhaps I don't always succeed but we all ought to make the effort.

You must be such fun to know. But you know that already.

jomama said...

in australia they'd call that thing on your head a fascinator, i believe (not sure of the spelling.) and i LOVE it. i love how happy you look in that picture, and the black with your pretty blonde hair, it's just perfect.
and i want to say that i totally agree with you about writing your own story, and i really and truly admire the way you've been following your own path with such integrity.
you amaze me!

Stina said...

You guys are so fun and cute! I love ALL those hats! You are really working it! Happy new year!

Kristan said...

"And we do so without apology or explanation, though she usually gets all the Jackie Kennedy references and people ask me what part of Russia I am from."


I LOVE your New Year Theology and may have to repost it (with a link of course!) or at least email it to all my friends (especially the ones who try to write my story, grr).

In seriousness, though, I think it's brilliant and true, and something I've been working really hard to digest and accept in my own life in the past year. 2008 was my year of awareness, I think, and hopefully 2009 will be the year I solve. (Or let go.)

Boquinha said...

"And we do so without apology or explanation, though she usually gets all the Jackie Kennedy references and people ask me what part of Russia I am from."


So. Many. Comments.

Love the Russia hat thing.

You can still buy TAB?!?!

LOVE the 80s--we have some friends here who are thinking of throwing an 80s party. Fun, eh?

Love that it's your New Year's "Theology" and not resolutions. LOVE that. That's very much how I've been feeling, too. Radical acceptance, rather than self-imposed rules and dictates, lets me know what feels like the right thing to do. You go, girl!

Alisa said...

When I saw the "fashionable" pic of you, I just thought you are way too gorgeous! I love it, and SLC needs a little class. Don't expect it to come from me, though. I'm completely a creature of comfort (the cashmere sweater, jeans, and smartwool socks type--although I really want to be wearing valour pants. OK, not really, but maybe I'd like to own some). But we need fashionable people like you who have actually lived outside our little town to show us what's what. And it is really cute.

I think the having someone write my story is a kind of violence that I need to not allow any more in my life. I totally get that. It's just that it's so dang hard, with work, family, church, etc. defining what they want me to be. Finding my groove (that should be my motto for the year).

And, please, if I come over can I see the music video? It looks way too good.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

You are very wise. I look forward to seeing your story unfold.

Chelle said...

I love what you said. Thanks for writing your own story, this takes so much courage, which I really admire about you. And thanks for letting me write mine and be a part of it, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't. I never would have pictured either of us where we are today, but then that's just the beauty of letting yourself go where feels right. 2009 is going to be amazing!

Rowena said...

You are so very wise and so very stylish. I love that they go together.

I too think that is called a fascinator, with a birdcage veil. Gorgeous.

I think you and I are similar types of people who have come from very different places, and it's really interesting to see the lessons you have learned and the wisdom you can share that helps me in my own place.

Thank you for being you and rock on in 2009.

Steve and Jenn Fletcher said...

Very nice. Both the pictures and the words. I completely agree.

And you've inspired me to fetch my one and only hat and put it on. It's just a knit cap, but still...

Steve and Jenn Fletcher said...

Okay, that was just silly. The truth is, I do better with a naked head. I mean, a hairy head.

You get the point.

I don't think there are any hats in my story. Can we still be friends? (Sorry. In one of those moods again.)

Ninny Beth said...

take my picture!!!! take my picture!!!! I think you will be able to capture me vintage. And when I come to SLC we will thrift store and play dress up, PLEASE????

smiles4u said...

I love this post! I love this idea that we each write our own story. Not all of us have the courage to do so...maybe some people need permission to write theirs...maybe some are too scared to take the steps to do so...I think we all have people in our lives that feel threatened by our stories so try to help us write them.
I look forward to reading more of your story as it unfolds. I hope to continue writing mine in 2009.

I just want to say that I have thought of you often these last weeks and I am sorry that I didn't act upon those thoughts and write. I have missed you. How excited I was to have this opportunity this morning before the circus begins to visit you at your place and read some great thoughts. You always give me things to think about D'Arcy and for that, I thank you!

Bless you my friend...oh and I LOVE the look beautiful and fun and happy!

Hey, It's Ansley said...

So much to love in this post. Most especially your wise words. But I love all the hats too. This post and the hats have a lot in common. It takes courage to live your own life and courage to wear fun hats

Super Nova said...


I find myself doing that a lot. I think their might be a difference between making it a reality in your day to day life, and then using your creativity and poetic license in writing. At least, that's what I tell myself (and I change the names of those involved!!)

And it would be fun to know you too. You've got the best opening lines of anyone I have ever known!

Super Nova said...


thank you. for the name of the hat, for the compliment, for being my friend, for so much!

I am planning a trip to NYC in April during my spring break, hopefully I can see you there? We should plan!!

Super Nova said...

Stina!! Happy New Year to you, Dave, and Theo!!

Super Nova said...


You are always so positive, I love it. Yet, you are not afraid to be who you are and let people know your views. It's a fine balance, and you've done it so well in your young age!

Super Nova said...


YES! That's what April and I said at the store when we saw it, "You can still buy TAB??!!" You should totally take it to the 80s party.

So, I am planning to come and see you in April! We need to correspond a bit, and I need to save a bit, but I think it's gonna happen, my friend! Finally!!

Super Nova said...

Alisa, alright, I might be able to be persuaded to show you the video, but you have to never use it against me!

I know you've been on a journey this past year, and I wish so much that your family and friends will see how brilliant you are, how sharp your mind, how deep your thoughts, and how capable of writing one amazing story you are! I recognized it immediately in you, and it has drawn me to you again and again. You've got a lot of wisdom to share with me!

Super Nova said...

PHHT: one of my greatest joys is watching the stories of the people in my life I care about. Yours has been a rich revelation, and I am glad to be a part of it!

Super Nova said...

Chelle!!! Yeah, 2009 IS going to be amazing. You're a new woman, in a new apartment, with new possibilities. I agree, I don't know what i would do without you to talk to, chat with, and text at any and all hours of the day, my friend!

Super Nova said...


I agree, with it all.

I think this year is going to be incredible for us to watch each other make our dreams realities.

Rock on as well (I have a flashback to Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey...)

Super Nova said...

Jenn, I love you moods, and I LOVE how you are always happy. And you have SO much hair, you probably just don't need a hat.

Super Nova said...

Ninny Beth!!!!

Vintage all the way my friend! I will SO take your photo when you get back here. I can't wait! I knew that when you let me sleep on the bed in Korea while you took the floor that you were a kindred spirit (or just someone i could manipulate into doing what I want)...either way, I can't wait to hang out with you when you get back!!

Super Nova said...

Ninny Beth!!!!

Vintage all the way my friend! I will SO take your photo when you get back here. I can't wait! I knew that when you let me sleep on the bed in Korea while you took the floor that you were a kindred spirit (or just someone i could manipulate into doing what I want)...either way, I can't wait to hang out with you when you get back!!

Super Nova said...

smiles4u--I've thought a lot about you as well. I've wondered how you've been, how your kiddies are, how much you grow and are strong on a daily basis and I am just SO grateful to have your support and encouragement in my life, and I hope that I can offer the same!

Much Love!!!

Super Nova said...

Ansley--yep, courage. We've both got it, and it's a good thing too. Hopefully you and I can meet soon!

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Girlfriend, you look oh-SO-glamorous in your "almost-a-hat-thingy". Whatever the official name is for it, it's LOVELY, especially atop your head. VERY sophisticated. You look like a screen siren from the silent movie era in the black & white photo.

And yes, of COURSE you're supposed to be writing your own story! (You're just now figuring that out?!) Kidding. I was a lifelong people-pleaser until my 30's when it dawned on me that "Hmmm, this is MY life, my one and ONLY life, and why in the world as I SOO concerned with pleasing everyone else and putting myself in LAST place?"

And I love the picture of April and the case of TAB. Hilarious.
I have a friend who still drinks TAB here too. Apparently it's an acquired taste. :-)

Say it with me now:
"2009 will be sublime!"

Super Nova said...

HWHL---I feel it too, good things coming this year! And yeah, TAB, I never understood it, but I love that name, it's so generic that it's original!

Gustav said...

Dear Super Nova

What a terrific name for you.

I have been busy travelling and also entertaining family visiting from Wisconsin so sorry I have not been commenting as much as usual.

May I say that you and April look divine! Those hats are so cool.

Ruahines said...

Kia ora D'Arcy,
Bravo my friend! We need people in our lives who accept our differences as well as similarities. True friendship is not one way. I look forward to your story unfolding this year. Love that last shot in bw, very elegant, very cool. And cheers for the tunes, played it on New Years Eve before I headed out to the mountains! Had about 15 people around and a few asking me what a certain song was, and I had no idea so I will have to keep Listening! Now that I have my cd burner going watch out. Have a cool day my friend.

Super Nova said...

Kia Ora Robb!

I sent you the playlist.

Thanks for the encouragement and passion and hope and faith you seem to have in me. It' helps to think about when tides turn, flatlands become hills, and smooth waves become storms.

Rock on!

Kjrstin said...

even though this is a few days late (somehow i missed it on my feeder), i am dying to read/listen to/see the story you are creating.

after a few years of knowing, it is fascinating to see how people develop their stories. it's like we have all been in the plot development stage. and now, we are in the middle of the action. so, you've got me hooked. i want to watch your story unfold.

it's funny, rereading, i sound all theatrical, but in reality, my level of interest is comparable to when i'm into a really good book or series or something (not that your life is as flat as novels or tv). anyway, just clarifying, i'm not being drama, but truly am interested in your story.

Super Nova said...

Dear Gustav,

I hope all went well with your guests. I knew you'd appreciate the uniqueness of the hat....and of a good, solid nickname.