(from a family photo shoot I did yesterday, check out the photo blog!)
*alternate title for this post would be "Your Soul Mate, Who Doesn't Exist, But Whom we Will Use as an Exercise in Creative Writing"
The best thing that I got from reading I Am America, And So Can You, was a letter from my soul mate. Right there, in the book. He was speaking just to me and made it so clear about why I haven't found him yet. I have been doing everything all wrong. But thanks to Stephen, I think I know how to find him. That's right, you heard me, my soul mate--Stephen Colbert style. While my last blog post was a bit on the heavy side, I have decided to lighten things up and talk about soul mates (save your ooohs and aaaahs for paragraph 4!) Colbert writes poetically, but more importantly, he writes truthfully on just what it takes to find your soul mate. He even has a letter written by your very own soul mate, yep, just for you (and me)!
Hey there. I am your soul mate, the one person on this earth who's perfect for you in every way. Yes, I exist, and yes, everyone else you've been with is a pale subsitute. We're meant to be together, but we've never met.
You see, there are 6 billion people in the world and you encounter at most about 1,000 people per day, so statistically our paths would cross only once every 16,500 years. if we're going to beat those odds you need to work harder, because so far you've done a spectacular job of messing this up.
Remember when you bought that pack of gum and the clerk asked if you wanted a bag, but you were in a rush so you said no? If you'd waited that extra three seconds you would have missed the next train, making you late for the play, so they wouldn't have let you in the theater until the first scene was over, and I would have entered the lobby--also late--and we'd have gotten to talking. We probably would have just skipped the play and gotten coffee and then...Pow! Fifty years of golden summers at the lake house.
Another example: Remember when you signed up for yoga class? You should have signed up for pottery class. I was taking a pottery class!! How hard is that to figure out? And don't just sign up for a pottery class next time, because I might have moved on to hip-hop cardio. I can't tell you exactly where I'll be because if you're really my soul mate you'll just know. Please just get it right!
I guess what I am saying is, next time you think about going to the museum today instead of tomorrow when I'll be there, ask yourself: Do you really want to spend the rest of your life alone? Are you going to take the bus or are you going to walk? If you do walk and it's raining, how are you going to see me under my umbrella, unless I don't have one and you share yours, or I share mine and that's how we meet? So remember: Never leave the house without an umbrella...or with one. It's your choice. I think I explained pretty clearly what's at stake.
Are you reading this at a book store? I'm right behind you. Turn around!
Am I still there?
Gosh, you're a slow reader.
Point is, hanging over every decision you make, however small, is the sword of our loneliness. I am out there. Find me. But please hurry. I know we're meant to be together for eternity, but I can't wait forever.
So do you believe in Soul Mates??? (I want at least one yes, please, someone unjaded and unhurt by love find this blog and give me a good story that will restore all my faith in love and heal all the wounds that have been inflicted upon me!!! I am counting on YOU!)
How did you meet your husband or wife.... or soul mate--if they didn't fit into the first two categories? (Please, someone say they offered their umbrella in the rain, in England, and you both locked eyes and then you ended up talking for hours, and then you went and got coffee served to you by a British lady named Tilley!!! I am in a romantic mood, feed my poetic soul! Make it up if you have to...that's right, I said make up your soul mate and make up how you met. ***)
***I claim all rights and privileges to any and all stories posted and if I end up using one in a novel I am writing and I become rich you can in no way take me to court. I have approved this statement with my lawyer.
So, come on---any good stories out there?